and other mortifying little gems from my girls and friends… 

“Mummy this is my baby her name is County. County! County! County! I love my baby County!” (NB the letter ‘O’ was absent from this particular version of County and remained so for around a week.)

“Mummy, I’m just sitting down to watch a dirty film.” (context: daughter sits down on doorstep to watch mummy who is covered in mud doing the gardening. Mother faints on impact of this comment)

“Mummy, I’ve been drawing your boobies in my busy book at school. It’s OK I’ve only showed them to Oliver and the teacher.” (I’ve posted this before but it still makes me die)

Mother: “Which birthday present is your favourite?”

Son: “The Batman one that will be here when I get home from school.”

“Hello Daddy! Hello Daddy! That’s my Daddy!” (shouted repeatedly at a tramp on a packed bus) Tramp says: “I don’t think so sweetheart.” And then quizzically to mother: “Am I?”

“Mummy, I need a poo and i think it’s a daddy poo!” (in queue for public loo)

“ I bet you can touch your nose with your tongue can’t you?” ( to man with very large nose in street)

“ We knew the gift was from you because it smelt of your house. My mum said it smelt like it had been in your house for a very long time.” (Child’s response when asked if they liked their birthday present.)