A few things you might want to avoid doing on your serene journey through motherhood…
1) Never presume the diarrhoea is over. Never, ever hold a naked baby with a funny tummy over an open handbag.
2) Don’t think that the small size dishwasher will be adequate.
3) Try to remember when you have a bishop size, plastic tiara on your head. This will help you to be taken seriously when you are running down your street to flag down a man in a van who does garden clearance.
4) Never leave a pot of Sudocrem unattended. They will get it, cover the TV, their entire head, the cat.
5)Don’t forget your breast pump parts/cable when you are travelling abroad without your baby. Even if you have cut down to just evening feeds your breasts will threaten to explode and you will be forced to milk yourself in a strange hotel bathroom.
6) Don’t throw out the expensive, pretty bras that are way too small now. They will fit again some day.
7) Don’t take a child into a lamp shop. Glass + electric wiring = disaster. Thankfully they didn’t make me pay.
