9 Signs of Age: Part II


1) My mother used to dress me like Keith Chegwin. (see above)

2) I know who Keith Chegwin is.

3) I recently heard my daughter faux whispering to her friend while walking behind me: “My mummy is in her 30’s but I think she looks like she’s in her forties.” MY. OWN. DAUGHTER.

4) Twinge is my middle name.

5) Daughter enquires: “Mummy, why do you always wear children’s pants? You know, all big at the sides?” *madly rummages for 90’s thong*

6) I own a sensible, waterproof coat. Bought by husband but having been sneered at hasn’t actually been screwed up into a ball behind the hoover.

7) I furtively scrape my hair back into a Croyden Face-lift in the mirror at least twice a day.

8) I thought I had a black make-up smudge on my cheek. Turns out it was a bruise from manically rollering my face with an anti-aging gadget.

9) I fancied Harrison Ford when he looked like this:


You’re welcome. Swooooooon.

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