1) My mother used to dress me like Keith Chegwin. (see above)
2) I know who Keith Chegwin is.
3) I recently heard my daughter faux whispering to her friend while walking behind me: “My mummy is in her 30’s but I think she looks like she’s in her forties.” MY. OWN. DAUGHTER.
4) Twinge is my middle name.
5) Daughter enquires: “Mummy, why do you always wear children’s pants? You know, all big at the sides?” *madly rummages for 90’s thong*
6) I own a sensible, waterproof coat. Bought by husband but having been sneered at hasn’t actually been screwed up into a ball behind the hoover.
7) I furtively scrape my hair back into a Croyden Face-lift in the mirror at least twice a day.
8) I thought I had a black make-up smudge on my cheek. Turns out it was a bruise from manically rollering my face with an anti-aging gadget.
9) I fancied Harrison Ford when he looked like this:
You’re welcome. Swooooooon.
