When it’s chilly you have NIPPLES LIKE BULLETS.
You can’t brush your teeth without gagging a bit.
Your skin is so dry you leave a trail of ash wherever you go.
You suffer from narcolepsy.
Your favourite expensive foundation
suddenly makes your skin break out.
You cannot read Metro on the tube without
crying – even the cartoon section.
Laughter may segue inexplicably into
One week after unprotected sex you’re wearing smocks and empire line tops.
When it’s warm out you have NIPPLES LIKE