1.) Nipples are like shower heads not water pistols. When it comes to breastfeeding that is. No, that isn’t just me – I checked on google.
2.) Your baby will headbutt and scratch you on a regular basis. By accident.
3.) Never put a bottle or sucky cup in your handbag. Even with the lid on. The drink WILL leak and your favourite handbag will be ruined.
4.) Never hang your handbag too low on the handles of your buggy. The friction of the wheels will wear a hole in it or at best leave an ugly black mark and your favourite handbag will be ruined.
5.) You will never be able to fake tan your legs again without orange patches appearing on the sandpaper ankles you got from kneeling on the floor changing nappies.
6) It is normal for your new baby to poo from 8 times per day to once a week. If your baby falls into the latter camp prepare for a Poonami (enormous tidal poo).
7.) The smell of your baby’s head is an antidote to all these things – until you get headbutted.